Last night, after six months of almost no contact at all, Wes decides to message me on MSN. He started off talking with Jill, who was giving me a play by play, and then finally IMd me about an hour later. I don't know what I was expecting from the encounter. Not instant forgiveness, that's for sure. And that's not what he got, either. In fact, talking to him and opening up those wounds all over again has made the forgiveness and any other "nice" feelings I had towards him go away.
He finally admitted to having cheated on me shortly after I left Tennessee the last time, but not after I had to dredge up every single detail that led me to that conclusion. He told me about the things that initially attracted him to me, and why the relationship didn't work in the end, and why he ended it the way he did.
And I really don't think it helped me.
It just brought up all that crap again, that I'd been working on dealing with and getting out of my system for the last six months and I want it to go away. I don't want to think about him whenever I see a commercial for "Travel Tennessee" or Dollywood or the Volunteers. I don't want to think about how he initiated conversation, how he's the one who said he wanted me to move to Tennessee to live with him when I was done with school. I just don't. I don't want Aaron to feel like this is something that could affect our relationship, because it won't.
I just need a few days, and things will be better. That's all. I guess that's my post for the day. Sorry it's so depressing, but even after last night, when I unloaded everything to Wes that I'd unloaded to everyone else, it still didn't help.
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